Who Owns Kenya?

Translation into Common English

     Here is my translation of the queen’s proclamation from royal mumbo-jumbo into everyday English.

From: Elizabeth II, Queen of the British Commonwealth and Defender of Christianity To:     The rulers and people of Kenya Since Kenya is now a member of my Commonwealth (instead of my colony) and since I have summoned my parliament there to govern it and since I want to express interest in the opening of my parliament and in the wellbeing of those among its people who are loyal to me, but since I can’t be there myself, I authorize my husband, Prince Philip, to open my parliament on my behalf. I also ask him to give you my regards and assure you that I pray you will continue to be as prosperous and happy now as you were under my colonial rule. Sincerely, Your Queen December 6, 1963 Westminster, England

Translation into Vernacular English

     And a more brief translation that gets more quickly to the point. Pardon my royal attribution of profanity.

F@%k you, you ungrateful serfs, Queen Liz

Translation into Swahili

     I can’t do this one myself. Would someone reading this site like to contribute this translation?